There is no discernible difference between doing cocaine and watching the film Bad Boys II. The closest comparison possible to director Michael Bay's 2003 buddy-action sequel would be if you force-fed a computer nothing but John Woo movies and then made it direct a Limp Bizkit video. Bad Boys II is a disaster portrait painted by an artist with uzis for hands. It is a chaotic sonnet composed on a Monster Energy Drink can. It is, undoubtedly, the peak of Bayhem Mountain, and I'm pretty sure Michael Bay has been chasing that knife-edge balance between …

I have spoken.

One of the most notorious sequels in recent memory had an uncredited assist from some comedy greats, as it turns out. Michael Bay’s exhausting, epic 2003 sequel Bad Boys II has a reputation for being the most movie. It’s nearly two and a half hours long, it’s chock full of about 200 locations, and the set pieces just. keep. coming. In hindsight this was merely a warm-up for Bay’s incomprehensible Transformers sequels, but as it stands Bad Boys II is still a fascinating example of a director with unlimited resources at his disposal just throwing …