Writing a "bad" movie song is its own special art form. You have to make the audience understand that, within the context of the film, they're listening to something "bad", but you can't just bash two trash cans together and call it a day. The song still has to be good, just in a recognizably "bad" way. It's complicated. I'm doing a terrible job describing it. The process is just one of those unexplainable mysteries we'll never solve, along with "why did nobody see Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping?" and "why'd you come around …